Thursday, August 12, 2010


What really makes one selfish? You can look around and see tons of selfish people.

Everyone wants the killer deal at the store. If its the last one? People will run to snag it before the next person can get it.

Driving down the road. Everyone wants to get to where they are going as fast as possible. It doesnt matter if they have to cut you off to get there - they care only about themselves.

But when it comes to having kids, you cant be concerned about only yourself. There is someone else to worry about. Someone who needs you all of the time. Diapers to be changed. Food to eat. Just overall love and comfort. But it doesnt stop once they are potty trained and know all of your 'secret' hiding places for snacks.

How do you find that balance? Jim and I have said one of the reasons we dont want kids yet is that we are too selfish.

I dont want to give up my weekends away from home where I have nothing to worry about. I dont want to give up the last minute invitations to go out. I dont want to be on someone else's time schedule. Heck, most days I dont even want to get out of bed at all!

But sometime, that all has to end. I have been told that the love for your baby helps you get past all of that. I know that a child can brighten your day. But can I really give up all of my time for someone else?

Is it really possible to put yourself second all of the time? I see friends who are having crazy issues with their children. Three year olds who like to hit. Fifteen year olds who thrive on drama - and its impossible to know if they are telling you the truth or not. But somehow you have to do for them what they cant. You have to teach the 3 year old not to hit. You have to ignore the drama no matter how much you want to scream obscenities!

Where do you draw the line? How do you balance it all out? Right now I dont have to take care of anyone but me, and even that is often too much!!!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

When a wrench gets thrown in the works.

My main objective about wanting to stay home with children was to be able to be finacially stable enough to enjoy my time with them. Of course, getting the money from somewhere is important. Financial stability takes money. But the part that I am finding myself struggling with more and more is the stress of what our financial situation will be... even before we have children!

After not getting an unemployment check for 2 straight filings, I was panicking. We have a lot of bills to pay; especially right now since we are just finishing the work on the kitchen. Jim and I have been quite comfortable in our lives. To go from comfortable to having to decide what bills to pay was a very, very scary thought.

Of course, we have planned for times when money is lean. We do have savings. Although, we had to heavily tap those to pay for the extra, unexpected, expenses for the kitchen.

The part of it all that makes the least sense to me is that we have income the whole time. Jim's paychecks have been better than usual lately because of all of the overtime he has been working. (The money is nice but the stress that comes with him having to be at work so much sucks.) I still have my security paychecks. I still have my (meager) CVS paychecks. But they arent enough to cover all of the bills. (And the security paycheck showed up a week late that had me panicking even more.)

I know that there are still several years before I will be the only making money for our family. But that thought scares me. What if something happens? What if the paychecks somehow get delayed? Can we really make it without getting paid for 2 pay periods?

Thankfully it is all working itself out. But the stress of it all really hit home to me. What can I do to make it less the next time this happens?

I have been trying to work on a budget that we actually stick to. At first it was going really well... until I couldnt cook because the kitchen was torn apart or completely covered in dust from sanding the spackle. I need to reset those numbers and work on that again.

Jim is very laid back about our finances. He lets me handle the paying of bills even though he knows what is going on. How does he do it? Especially when there are people depending on you (like it will be when we have children)?

How do families take care of the things they have to and still get total fulfillment out of life even when money is tight?

I guess I still have a lot more to learn than a I thought...

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Life Goes On and Things Change

Go ahead, name who sings the song that is from!

Its amazing how in a short time things can change so drastically. What I was working towards no longer seems as important.

Jim and I have begun to take a different route. Even though we want one of us to be able to stay home with our children when we have them, it doesnt really matter which of us it is. Whatever is best for us is what will happen. That will most likely mean my working full time while Jim mostly stays home.

I am currently taking 2 classes so that I can apply to pharmacy school. It will be a good job with a good salary that will allow us to live the life we want. But also to give our children the lives we want them to have.

However, it seems another opportunity may be arising for me. Rather than going back to school for pharmacy, I may be able to get a job in a lab. I would be doing things like I was doing before - only I would be paid much better and I wouldnt have such a horrible boss!

I am still doing a few of the things I was doing before. It really is the little things that add up the most. Mypoints is going well. I have gotten 2 gift certificates from there and am well on my way to my third.

I use swagbucks all of the time. I have gotten several gift certificates and used them towards things I wanted. I can actually get $10 worth now, if I wanted to. But I will wait until there is something from Amazon I want/need. Then I will do it - or maybe I will like something else better!

I am still doing Pinecone research. The surveys dont take long at all. They are definitely legitimate. I have received probably around $20 from them. Its not a lot of money - but like I said it is the little things that add up!

I have also been focusing on Upromise. I dont buy things I dont need. But I make sure to activate the coupons each month - sometimes I use them, sometimes I dont. If I want to buy something, I will check the website first to see if there is a way that I can earn cash back. So far I am only up to about $30 for the last 2 years. But, that is all on stuff I would have been buying anyway. So I might as well get the extra money!

Jim and I are working hard to build our future. We are building equity in our house. We are saving money. But we are also remembering to enjoy ourselves. That matters just as much as money.

So even though I dont update this often, I encourage anyone who found their way here to leave any questions they have or leave any advice. I am always willing to try something new - especially when there are benefits to it! I dont want to work forever, so although my goal may no longer be to be the stay at home mom I have always dreamed of, there are still reasons to work hard no matter what you are doing!

(Answer to the singer: Tim McGraw)