Uncertainty

No matter how often I plan things or how hard I try to plan them perfectly, things dont always go the way I plan. I forget that too often.

A coworker asked me this morning if I had talked to my boss. I looked at him a bit funny and said 'no'. Apparently she has been wanting to talk to me for several days. That was the first I had heard about it. I knew that M was frustrated. I assumed it was because of the computer issues so that I wasnt able to get any work done. Now, I really have no clue!

I know that I am frustrated. Communication with my boss is currently nonexistant. The way she says anything to me, I interpret as an attack. I do not believe that is what she means, but that is certainly how it comes across to me.

I am afraid of approaching her at all. I feel as though when I talk, she doesnt listen to me at all. Just the other day, she had asked me to do something. I was asking a question for clarification because it was something I had never done before. Before I finished asking the question, she gave an answer to the question she assumed I was asking. But in the end, it didnt answer my question at all! I had to ask 5 times before I actually got the answer I was looking for - and it was a simple question with a simple answer.

I definitely have a lot of stress from work. I have been doing well to leave it at work and stay relatively non-stressed at home. But as soon as I walk into the building, there is definitely stress. At the time when I know that my boss arrives, there is definitely more stress.

However, I did have intentions of hopefully working here until we have kids. The pay is good. The benefits are good. The problem is that I dont have job security because I am a temporary employee.

There are definitely benefits to staying here, as I was planning. But there are also definitely benefits to finding a different job. Of course that entirely depends on if I can find another job.

I am excited because Jim and I have reached a savings goal. I am excited because there are many things that seem to be going my way as far as making money is concerned. Both online and offline. (The offline stuff I havent talked about yet, but look for a post soon!) I know that the savings are for when things happen - because things will happen. I just really dont want to have to touch that.

I am going to end this with a few things that I am thankful for, no matter how this all turns out.
*My car should be paid off next month.
*Jim's tuition is fully paid.
*I will still have some work (my part time security job) regardless of my status at my full time job.
*We will probably be able to get by without touching savings, even if we cant add to it.

Sometimes things dont go as planned only to end up better! We shall see what actually happens.

Edit: I have almost exactly 1 month left. That gives me a month to find a new job and figure out exactly what is going on. If nothing else, I will finally have time to finish the things around the house that need done! I doubt I am done crying because of the things that were said by my boss. I will never forgive her for the way she treats me, but in one month that wont matter anymore. I am very much relieved in a lot of ways.